gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
