What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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