i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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