i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
