sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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