these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
