thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
