If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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