Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
