Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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