I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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