just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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