I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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