Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You have to summon your inner elephant
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
