ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
