covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Panties = found
Randomize
