I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
