I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
