Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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