it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
