i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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