The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
