is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
