Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
