I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
