covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
