I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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