Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
