Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
