its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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