I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
