I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
