He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So squirting runs in the family.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
