so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
