I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
