got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
