Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
