I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
