I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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