Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
