Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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