Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
