i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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