Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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