I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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