So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
