Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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