The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
