fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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