Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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