drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
