Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
