Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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