We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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