My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
