I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
