hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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