Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize