I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Randomize
