After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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