I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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