I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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