Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
