I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
