you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
dude. I can hear the air.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
