I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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