I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
