Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
