Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
