he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We had sex on a dog bed..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
