the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
