those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
