Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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