I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
