Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
